I am done with winter and calling for spring! I'm tired of snow, sleet, slush and the resulting muddy mess from thawing and often rain added to the mix. I grew up quite near one of the Great Lakes and winter was long, cold and snowy. I was no fonder of it then and couldn't wait to grow up and move some place where the days were warm and filled with sunshine. Yet I find myself here. In this place where weather is usually unpredictable and often changes in an instant! I may be here physically but a small part of my mind is always at the ocean or in the desert!
A four day week-end ahead of us and 3 bottles of wine later, the walls came down and floors came up. The original remodeling plan of a room at a time fell by the wayside. We decided to rip it all up and out at once. Crazy?? Maybe just a little bit. But what I've learned after moving things from one room to another, then another, then another is this: One big mess is preferable to 5 seperate ones, everything you stuff in your closets (4) is really not as important to keep as you might have once thought after you move it 3 times in two days and ripping up, tearing down and throwing stuff out a second floor window is quite exhilarating!!
What's a little temporary chaos in the greater scheme of things? Well worth it I say. On the 3rd floor of this tri-level, what was once four bedrooms and two full baths is now becoming a larger master suite, studio (for me, YAY!) and an office while still keeping the two full baths.
My husband is talented, awesome and sore. He is doing it all himself with my help. Neither one of us mind getting down and dirty. And at the end of the day? A feeling of accomplishment.
“So when we write and begin with an empty page
and a heart unsure, a famine of thoughts, a fear of no feeling --
just begin from there, from that electricity.”
— Natalie Goldberg,
Blink; verb: to open and close the eye, especially involuntarily; wink rapidly and repeatedly.
Kind; adjective: of a good or benevolent nature or disposition.
Occasion; noun: a particular time, especially as marked by certain circumstances or occurrences.
It was early but the morning was off to a quiet start. Or so I thought as they arrived with smiles on their faces. A quick hug and they were off. Will they be kind and make it an easy day I wondered to myself?
Or were those cute little smiles hiding something darker and more sinister?
With a "please may I have some milk" and "lets read this book" we started our day. Nice I thought to myself.
An hour or so passed and I had to take a phone call. It all changed in a blink of an eye when they realized my attention was elsewhere. The atmospere became charged. With a gleam in their eye they seemed to send out a silent challenge. Game on! And as soon as I stepped out of the room it was!
They raced and roared like demons. Running, chasing, throwing, climbing. Loud shrieks and laughter.
When I came back they were rolling on the floor wrestling. I slowly looked around as I untangled them from each other taking in the overturned chairs, saw that batman had lost a leg and Barbie's younger sister was missing her head. The storybook lay in the corner waving its torn and tattered pages in surrender. It is occasions like this that I wonder to myself "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!"
They looked at me as I looked at them. The oldest said "Boom Boom Pow" while we were squaring off. Suddenly they both smiled and gave me hugs. I was once again theirs. Game over.
What does it mean when a shadowed blackbird flies into the heart center of your chest in a dream?
No surrounding details or landscape, just me standing alone while a large blackbird surrounded by gray(making it look shadowy) flies straight into my chest. Just as it does I wake up. Then return right back to sleep.
I wanted to write but could not find my words. I read the words of others which helped relax my mind.
The newest book I borrowed from the library caught my eye so I began to read it while walking on the treadmill. Her words evoked such visual beauty that I felt energized. I set the book aside and began to run marveling at the way my breath helped my body move with such speed. Which brought to mind thoughts of the last time I had run. Every bone and muscle in my body screamed with pain when I had finished the two miles. It occurred to me that I had been angry when I started but no longer was when I finished. I must have pounded the anger away with running. Today is different. I feel refreshed and revived. My mind calmed and free.
I am who I am, uniquely me.