I am 53. Two months and 1 day from turning fifty four!
Looking at life from a married woman's perspective, after giving birth to and raising four children, traversing many moves, experiencing hardship, tragedy and good times as well, the next half looks different. A future of less intense responsibilities, a script unwritten holds a certain appeal. I know what I think I want. Most of the attempts don't work out which makes me address the disappointment and move on. Where I am physically has to do with jobs and decisions of others. Where I long and wish to be seems like a far off almost impossible dream.
I refuse to give up and let go of my desires and dreams. Whether my beliefs, ambitions, dreams and intentions make sense to anyone other than myself matters little these days. I gave the first half of my life to raising children and supporting my spouse. Now it is my turn. My time.
Lack of money, support or well laid plan are of little consequence. I am going forward on faith. Stepping out and forward with the trust and belief that the road will rise up to meet me. Easy? More like doubtful. Does that deter me? No. I have always managed to find my way because I have always gone on faith. A faith I do not question, only trust in.
I just know that this life we are given passes in the blink of an eye. Not going for your adventures, not trying for what your heart/inner voice speaks to you is your own ridiculous stupidity. Though I am far from perfect I try my best. I certainly don't want to repeat a lot of this same shit in my next life time!
This is just my belief, do the best you can, be kind to others, do good works as your able and circumstances allow. Pray and ask blessings for the higher good of all each and every day. Tread lightly and care for our mother earth and all our relations in nature.
There you are, rolling along as things seem to fall into place. Life is finally beginning to look up. Then BAM, all is not what it seems and though surprised by how it all begins to unfold or unravel if you will, you don't fall into old patterns of reaction. In this surreal moment grace clears your vision. Your inner warrioress gives you the courage to stand strong and express yourself with no regret. One long lesson learned and appreciated!
Life clamors and sickness slams you on your back. Watching thoughts march across your mind you begin to see a pattern/odd as it may seem you understand it. A whole new playing field emerges but you now begin to understand the rules. Cautiously you look forward, but there is that small certain part of you that clamors for action. Forget caution, to hell with pragmatism. Forget the daily grind and the supposed responsibilities. You just want to take a running jump into the unknown abyss on faith. Do I stay or do I go??
All I can say is wanderlust and a gypsy heart are beginning to win out.
I believe everything in life is writable about if you have the guts, imagination and improv to do so.
It is only a matter of time before I, with tongue in cheek, grab a glass of wine and soldier forward. Wit albeit sarcastic every now and again is one of my gifts. Are you ready??
I am who I am, uniquely me.