Tis the Season

As we are wending our way through the holidays.  Most gathering with family and friends I take a moment to breath it all in, reflect.  My holiday season is for the first time different than ever before.  Always kids and spouses and grandkids arrived Christmas day and we celebrated.  Trying to adhere to  traditions and falling short.  People were missing,  subtle (?) waves of unease drifted on air, we tried, we failed.  Not just failed, but fractured and split apart.  The past 7 months have been a difficult, mind boggling & numbing not to mention incredibly sad family journey in many ways.  It has brought us all to different junctures in the road.  As patriarchs of the family Mark & I were torn beyond belief.  We turned to each other and decided maybe  it was time to see what it was to be us, not mom & dad, grandparent or other.  Just us.  He and I together as one. 
Though sad in respect to the dismantling of family, so to speak,  he and I are solid in moving in our own direction.  We in no way intend to turn anyone aside but we won't martyr ourselves or put our dreams or journey aside to accommodate others.  Everything will turn out as it is meant to be.

There are definitely times, when the moments  and adventures of my younger friends and their children make me feel envious.  How different might the time I was raising our children have been if these women were in my life???    It does create moments of melancholy but  I can not reside there.   I see and appreciate (oddly enough) and move on. 


I am looking at 2014 as a defining year.  Listening for the siren song that leads Mark & I to our place.  The excitement of the adventurous journey, arriving in exactly the right place, loving it and knowing gratitude.