No scary costumes or treats. I didn't even decorate this year. I could say it was because we travelled. Yes, I will say it was because we travelled to feel better about not feeding sugary treats to the little ghouls and their parents (we all know the parents raid the bounty) and faking enthusiasm over their costumes on this cold rainy night. Instead I'm going to let the ghouls and goblins do the scaring. I can be found on the couch with a glass of wine watching bad scary movies with the handsome hubby as we say good-bye to October.
October in and of itself was not horrible. I was out early most week day mornings with my friend running/walking after which chores, job hunting, art classes and projects or something other filled the day. Then came the travel day and we were off. Colorado bound where there was a son and daughter-in-law to visit and the new little to meet.
Seasons have come and gone since I last posted anything. I over thought what I should talk about. A day in the life? Nutrition? Health? Politics? NO...….That has all been done and then some. The question "Do I even want to be here doing this??" popped into my mind. Still pondering that, but while I do so might I just say this; My fifth decade and I am all in. I've got no regrets about my direction, I don't care what people think about me or what I am doing. There is no more wasted time. Been there, done that. You want to know what I'm doing? Check in once and awhile. Take a few minutes to wander my pathways when you don't need or want something from me. With the exception of children and grandchildren I am no longer the keeper of connections, person to call when your life has gotten hard and your looking for someone to provide solutions. Funny how everyone came to expect those birthday cards, random fun cards and letters and packages in the mail. A gift here and there. A phone call/text/email checking in. Yet seldom if ever any response to any of it. Until the time came that I stopped doing. Then I heard about it. My how I heard about it. Or the couple times extending a helping hand in good faith when asked only to be at the bad end of the deal. Trust me when I say that will never happen again.
What I have learned from all this is: It is okay to say NO! Not all problems are mine to fix. I have been "too" nice too many times and I am kind but NOT weak so don't mistake the two. OH and one last thing? I'm going to speak my mind now, no holds barred. I'll try to filter my comments but no promises anymore.
I've wanted to be a Beta Reader since I got serious about my own writing. Didn't really know how to go about it. Then a friend from my teens decided to write a book. I was a little nervous about volunteering. This person had a little more experience in the world than I. Living overseas, a band, joining the military, acting, producing, protecting the peace. He lived larger than I ever did. I've known him a really long time and even though we didn't keep up with one anothers lives on a regular basis, it was always easy when we did connect. Then he decided to write a book. Well not just a book but a book series. What the hell. Writing is what I did, although it was a struggle to get it out into the world. And I didn't put my ass in the chair and go for the gusto like he did but I digress. He put his ass in the chair and churned out a manuscript. I volunteered to be a beta reader even though I had no friggin idea what that really entailed.
I am not sure if it was the conversation with my niece the other night or husband working on taxes. Perhaps both led me down the rabbit hole. While we were talking my niece asked " aren't you doing creative writing or something like that?" I as usual down played and dismissed my writing. Helping my husband sort needed tax documents led me to the file cabinet where I caught a glimpse of files I had shoved to the back. Clippings of articles, papers from online classes and pages from my first writing group. I dragged them out and did a random look through. That led me back here to see where I had started putting my bits and pieces out where they might be seen. Prior to this blog my creative endeavors that were in the public eye consisted of a photography shoot of specific local art for Rural Alliance of the Arts 12th Annual Art...Etc. Auction in 2002, a submission to a writing contest in Glamour Magazine in 2003 and a article in another local newspaper in 2008. None of which I normally bring up in conversation. I've done some freelancing which was a bit boring and not very lucrative since then but mostly I keep the stories on a shelf. I wonder if I should take them down, dust them off?
I am who I am, uniquely me.