Walking in the back yard I came across these matted little bundles below the craggy tree. The tree that shoots 30 or 40 feet towards the sky with its strong tangled branches. An anchor holding steady through the decades as the land holding its' roots went from farm and field to urban/suburban development. Some limbs have been lost through strong winds, lightening and storms but still it graces us with shade and welcome breezes. Alerts us to the changing seasons as well as providing homes for birds, squirrels and raccoons. Today someone was cleaning house. Prepping for winter? A new family? Time will show us.
There is a story to tell. Will you dare interrupt me if the message upsets you? If I ramble a bit and go too far afield will you just stop listening?
I will not be governed by fear, when I get knocked down I am brave enough to get back up. I intend to take lifes' lessons and make waves instead of paddling in circles.
Days come and go, all marked by work, play and whatever else envelops a persons time. At some point an anniversary arrives. How this is embraced depends on the occurrence of that day in years prior and the memories attached. Point in fact.
Today is the 14th anniversary of laying Chad to rest in Arlington.
We arrived a day prior. My memories feel as crowded and vivid as the hellacious headache that plagued me. Trying to make sure we had rooms for family and friends. Trying to pay attention to what military family was arriving. Agonizing over a reluctant interview with the Washington Post. Mark trying to rent a van only to find his license had expired. People needing answers, everyone trying to get us to go to dinner because we weren't eating. Mark & I wanting to be anywhere but there having to bury our son the following day. A fucking ton of heartache and life shattering sadness that could not be fixed.
The morning we were leaving for Arlington found us in an elevator with strangers. They looked at us smiling as they said " You're all dressed up, are you going to a party?" Our reply was quiet " No, we are burying our son in Arlington."
I am who I am, uniquely me.