Each Memorial Day I pray and give thanks. As a Gold Star parent I am proud, sad, aware and every once in awhile bitter.
07/o7/2003 changed most everything in the life of my family.
Each of us have emerged from that time changed. Different mind sets, similar yet varying emotions and all struggling to find a way to wrap our minds around our loss and still move forward.
I guess the main thing I have learned is to be the storycatcher. I don't have to agree with it all. I just need to be there to accept and acknowledge what does show up. The words arrive in clouds of emotion that at first seem too challenging, too sharp, too accusing.
What I want to say but the words never seem to come out right is that all these years later I haven't forgotten. How could I ??????? I miss that boy more than I can truly express. There are moments that wash over me and make me cry at the most inopportune times. There is the love, grief, sadness, guilt and healing that all tumble around bringing something new to the table all the time. Yes even now 13 years later. There are his siblings full of grief, angst, blame and unresolved issues that have erected walls of separation between them and us. Will these walls fall? Will there be healing? Who knows. What I know is this..............................
There is a distinction of grief over sadness. For most of us grief will/does fade over time but sadness............. I don't know if that ever goes away or should.
Forgiveness should always be a work in motion.
And Love supposedly conquers all.